Feeling Sad? Accept it

Q. I am so tired of people telling me that I look sad. When I feel happy they still tell me that there is sadness there too. I just don’t know what to do about it?

Osho: Do not think whenever anybody says it, accept it with deep gratitude and tell them that they are right, that you are sad. You are avoiding the fact. That’s why you are feeling just; otherwise you would not be. If somebody says that you are beautiful, you are not hurt. You feel grateful it is a compliment.

Why do you feel hurt when somebody says you look sad? Because you don’t want to be sad, and you are and you want that nobody should know that you are sad, even if you are.

Nobody is hurting you; nobody wants to hurt anybody. People are beautiful. If they say that you are sad, they are simply saying that they would like you not to be sad… They would like you to be happy because your sadness will make them sad also.

Whosoever comes near you – a friend, a neighbor, a lover… if you are sad you make him sad also. You create a sad situation. And if someone enters your arena he is bound to become sad. If he goes on laughing in spite of your sadness, it will be offensive. Even if he wants to laugh, even if he had come to laugh with you, he cannot just to be polite, as part of etiquette. And if you are really sad and the person feels for you he will feel for you. When he says you look sad, he is simply saying that it is not good that you feel like this.

You feel hurt because you were trying to avoid the fact and now he comes and brings the fact before you. Thank him! Feel grateful that he brought it to your notice. And don’t try to hide it. What can you do? If you are sad, you are sad. Don’t smile and hide behind it, don’t create any screen, camouflage, no façade

Once you accept it you will find that by and by there are moments when you forget that you have to remain sad, and you have become happy, just a moment before you had forgotten. When I told you to hang a sign around your neck, you had forgotten completely; you were not sad at that moment.

Sadness is not anybody’s nature; just a mood, a habit, a pattern. It can be broken. It is because you have chosen it. But the way is not to fight it. The way is to transcend. So accept it. Be really sad for three days. If you find yourself becoming happy, immediately become sad, because you have to follow the sigh. Otherwise people will ask what you are doing. If you catch what you are doing. If you catch yourself getting a little smile or something feel guilty!

It is just an old habit that you slip into again and again. Habit needs unconsciousness, a habit lives in unconsciousness. If you become conscious of it, it disappears. So for three days you be consciously sad, consistently sad, and persistently sad. Don’t go here and there; immediately catch hold and come back and be sad. You will fail!

Don’t be Hurry

A man who was very found of trees wanted to see a green tree in the courtyard of his home. He thought that if he planted sapling, it would take a long time to grow into a tree. So he went to a garden and selected a fully grown tree. He then employed several laborers to dig it up and then transport it to his courtyard where he had it planted.

The man was very happy. He thought to himself; “I have traveled a long journey in a single day. Planting a sapling or a seed would have been a lengthy business and now I have found quick way of having a lush green tree”

But the next morning when he looked at the tree, he found that its leaves had begun to wither, and after a few days the whole tree dried up. He was disappointed. When one of his friends visited him, he found him in a very sad mood. When he asked the reason he said: “I am in a hurry, but God isn’t”

This story instructs us about the law of nature, which is based on gradual development and not on sudden leaps. One who follows this law of nature will be successful, while the one, who fails to follow it, will be doomed to failure.

This law of nature is applicable not only to tree; it is a universal law. In every field, one must follow this natural course; otherwise one cannot attain any worthwhile goal.

Why is it that when the tree was in the garden, it was green, but when the same tree was transferred to another place – the courtyard – it dried up? The reason is that when the tree was in the garden, it had its roots intact, but when it was transferred to the courtyard, it had very few of its roots left. And it is roots that give life to a tree.

This is a law of nature and this law of nature applies to all human activities. It is the need of every business, every profession, and every institution to have proper roots, that is, a sound basis. There is no exception to this law of nature.

For example, education is the basis for a job, reputation is the basis of a business, and infrastructure is the basis of national development. Constructing a really solid foundation requires a long period of time; you cannot have such a foundation by just taking wild leaps.

When you are in a hurry to achieve something. It means that you are denying the law of nature. You want to build a world on your own and this kind of procedure is not possible in this world. Those who engage in a gradual process will find support in nature and without such support no achievement is possible in this world.

Why did God decree this nature? He did so for the purpose of consolidation. If you try to achieve something by leaping into things, the final result will be like an uprooted tree. But when you adopt the gradual process, you consolidate your achievement.

An agriculturist once rightly pointed out that it requires only six months to grow a kakdi plant, but if you want to grow a tree like the oak, it will take 50 years to produce a fully grown tree. From this example one can understand how the law of nature functions.

Big Bird of the Storm

When there is a severe storm, birds with small wings are caught up in it, but large birds with strong wings fly upwards and save themselves from becoming victims of the storm.

On the basis of this phenomenon there is a saying in the English language. “Big birds of the storm.” This applies to people of high thinking, to those who can save themselves from the environmental storm. That is they can live on their own without becoming affected by the external world.

Who are the ‘big bird’ of the storm? They are the ‘big bird thinkers’ who can live independently, drawing on their own mental resources. Big bird thinkers are those who do not become angry even when provoked. They are those who maintain their positively even in negative situations, who can control their thoughts in such a way that they can see all men and women as human beings, whether friends or foes, and who can keep the peace even if others turn violent.

‘Big bird thinkers’ are those who are so mature that nothing can distract them from their objectives, who give well considered responses when in adverse situations, rather than simply indulging in an emotional backlash.

There is a saying in Hindi “Kuttu bhonkte rehte hain our hathi chalta rehata hai” – the elephant walks on without being disturbed by barking dogs. This is the best illustration of one who has the capacity for ‘big bird thinking. Life is full of storms, full of barking, full of untoward situations – these things are due to the laws of nature and no one is in a position to abolish the laws of nature. So you have only two options; either to waste your time and energy by constantly stopping to reactionary behavior or to ignore all undesirable situations and try to live like the elephant in the adage. Elephant style living is the only successful way to live in this world.

‘Big bird thinking’ is only another name for spiritual thinking. Spirituality is not something mysterious; it is positive thinking. All spiritual people are positive thinkers and all positive thinkers are spiritual in nature. Spirituality and positive thinking are almost synonymous with each other.

There is a beautiful story in Hindu mythology: Once a man became furious and he kicked Ram in the chest. Ram’s response was quite unique. He said: “Mere lokhan seene se tumhare komal paunwen ko chot to nahi lagi?” I hope your soft leg was not hurt by my iron chest.

Spiritual behavior is friendly behavior towards every human being – to both friends and foes alike. Spiritual behavior is like the behavior of flowers that can live with all their fragrance in the neighborhood of thorns.

An Urdu poet has beautifully expressed this: “Gulshan parast hoon mujhe gul hi nahi azeez, kaaton se bhi nibah kiya jar aha hoon mein” –I am a lover of nature, I don’t only love flowers, but I can live normally with thorns as well.

Spirituality is good for the all round development of the individual’s personality, for it makes you free of tension and friendly towards all. Spirituality is the way to all kind of success.

Positive thinking makes you a ‘big bird thinker’ and ‘big bird thinking’ imbues the human character with spirituality. Although this is an inner wquality, it is this inner quality that has the power to better all your external affairs.

Body Mind and Spirit

Human existence is trifarious, a combination of three currents, physical, mental and spiritual. Most people may not transcend the limits of their physical existence; they get enmeshed in crude worldly pleasures, tormented by desire. Subtleties of life expression and practice are perhaps beyond their reach. Their world is limited to their bodies and physical requirements.

There are others who are more concerned with their minds as they feel that it is the supremacy of mind that sets them apart. Their lives are guided by their desires for mental satisfaction. By virtue of their endeavors they create poetry, art, music and sculpture, for instance. They express the finer human feelings of mercy, sympathy, love, friendship, and pity. They believe that the mind flows for the sole purpose of attaining the infinite and hence they focus their energies on the contemplation of the Transcendental Entity. They are spiritual aspirants. Drawn by the magnetic attraction of Cosmic Consciousness they speed forward and reach the stage which marks the end of mental existence and the beginning of spirituality. At that stage one is no longer a human being, one is a veritable god.

It ought to be the mission of every person to achieve confluence of the mental and spiritual strata. It is the pinnacle of human progress. It is the beginning of divine existence. The meeting point of the highest attainment of humanity and the blossoming of divinity is the base on which the cardinal human principles re established.

Looking back, it is evident that nowhere have human values been truly honored. What is worse, nobody has looked upon humanity with sympathy. Only those were respected who, by serving their self-interests, climbed onto the higher rostrum of society. It is difficult to step down from the high position of the vainglorious to rub shoulders with the less privileged. The neglect of humanity was particularly acute towards the end of each era of the social cycle. The progeny of the noble kshatriyas, the physically strong, on gaining power, engaged themselves in the pursuit of pleasure and comforts utterly neglecting their cared duty to serve their people. They never cared to know people’s suffering.

King-hearted and philanthropic kings did exist, but very few, if any met the psychophysical needs of his people and opened the gateway to realization of the infinite. For self aggrandizement and in a bid to conquer the world they invaded countries, one after another. How could they afford to inquire into the tragic plight of the common people? The Vipra era or intellectual era illustrated the same thing; the scholarly Vipras were hardly accessible to the common people. The innocents were busy appeasing the Vipras with oblations, honorariums and floral offerings.

Service to the needy might not yield immediate results but the potential for future benefit is immense. Rabindranath says, “By standing aloof from your fellow man daily, you have hated the God enthroned in his heart”. Instead of hating anyone, the Sadvipras – physically fit, mentally strong and spiritually elevated – will encourage every one to build good careers. This will be Sadvipra’s principle duty. None should feel that they have been doomed forever.

Experience Life’s Rhythm

A Hoysala king on a hunting expedition captured a gorgeous white baby elephant that got separated from its mother. The elephants of noble breed belonged to the king of the neighboring region. The calf had imbibed the noble traits of its mother. But gradually the baby elephant was turning out to be naughty and ill mannered. The king who was concerned about its impudence with the mahout, irregular food habits and rudeness handed his minister the responsibility of tracing the cause of this sudden change in behavior. The minister hoisted himself on a tree close to the baby elephant to keep a watch on him through the night. As night approached, he saw some men of ill repute sitting near the baby elephant. They were badmouthing people, exuding anger and vengeance. This went on for several days. The minister duly reported this to the king who had the men barred from that place. He now sent a group of wise people to keep the baby elephant company. Very soon the baby returned to its natural state of goodness and virtuosity.

Can we hope to always be surrounded by good people or be in a good environment? Life is unstable and unpredictable. We are all the time being impacted by what is happening around us. How can we insulate ourselves from the bad effects?

The solution is to have a “living mind” a mind that is watchful and observant. When the mind is dominated by suspicion, anger, fear, hurt or anxiety it becomes dead and fossilized. It loses its ability to enquire into anything, be it an event or an emotion. It becomes compulsive, mechanical and repetitive. Such a mind devoid of awareness and alertness is prone to fall a victim to the vagaries of the world. It is weak and helpless. A mind that is awake and watchful nurtures goodness, virtue, joy and love within a human being in all aspects of life. A dead mind can only brag about its ideals of goodness and integrity but in reality its actions are prompted by fear, confusion and rigidity. It is fossilized thinking. Awareness is what can give you an extraordinary quantity of life.

There are different views about life. Some say it is predestined. Others say it is an accident and that it has no destiny. But there is a destiny and it is crafted by our thoughts. This is how we create our destiny.

Thoughts- emotion- moods- temperaments- actions-destiny.

When we do not throw the light of awareness onto our thoughts regarding a particular situation, it precipitates emotions like anger, hurt and fear. When these emotions are not attended to, we get used to them and they cause mood swings. Thereafter, it becomes our second nature, our temperament. Just as layer upon layer of sedimentation solidifies into rock, continuous unawareness and ignorance go to make our personality. We become defined, limited and controlled by them. Our actions would then be directed by our moods. Such unintelligent action would lead to a poor destiny, devoid of love, joy, abundance or success.

Hence, “a living mind” which is vigilant about what it thinks and feels is of utmost importance to create a great destiny. Destiny is also not created in one moment; it takes shape with each situation life throws up and with each response you give to it.

So come alive, live consciously, be aware of every movement, and be awake to every rhythm of life. In living life every moment that you see is each time a new beginning.